Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize