listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I need moral support for this bender
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize