I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
