we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
