omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
