I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
there is glitter all over my balls
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
