Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
