Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
