I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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