Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Drunk is not a location!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
