I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
