Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
