I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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