we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
