He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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