I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
