I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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