You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
