now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
