Screwed.edu
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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