worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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