i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
