Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
my poor anus
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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