So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
