So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
