I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
