I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
