Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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