1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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