No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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