and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
