glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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