I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
4 words: hood of his car
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize