i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
