I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
