NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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