It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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