all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
