I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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