thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
