you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
