How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize