that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Houston, we have a squirter
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
