I seem to have left my pride at pride
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
