Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
