she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
bring money and cleavage
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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