She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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