dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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