apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
