there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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