btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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