Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
