her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
