i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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