fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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