I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
