The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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