I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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