Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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