I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
