I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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