I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
