Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
