There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
