how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You need Xanax blowdarts
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
