I'm eating all of the evidence.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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