I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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