Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Randomize
