got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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