So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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